Becoming

Found a gem on Reddit. Link to post here . My love, if you read this and you want to move forward without me, if it will make you happy, I will support you. I won't make another selfish decision for us.

I have done the unthinkable. I cheated on my boyfriend.  Looking back in retrospect, it is hands down the most evil and stupidest shit I have ever done in my life. I love him so very much, in case it was not obvious on my previous posts. I have spent six years with him, and was planning to spend the rest of my life with him, yet I destroyed our perfect relationship and our perfect life plan. I want to understand why I did what I did so first let's break it down. It started in late May 2021. I was at my last months in Bali before resigning and I was having tons of fun with my friends, and it got to a point where I had too much fun, irresponsibly. I was alone as everybody else went back to their hometowns for Ied al-Fitr. I was lonely, so I asked one of my guy friends (A) to come over to my friend's place and got drunk just the both of us for two nights straight. He dared me to kiss him and I stupidly agreed to it. It wasn't just a kiss, we did other stuff too. Then it went o...

Oh wow-wee for the first time in my life I am depressed as hell and I am the cause. Nice job self 👍

I still remember the very first time I saw him.  We met when I was a freshman and he was a junior at campus. It was a few months into college and I was searching for an extracurricular activity to participate in. I was ready to join whatever S, my first and only friend at campus at that time, was joining and she decided to go with a student band organization (called ‘Axxxx’) because a senior of whom she had a crush on was in that organization. I did not know a thing about music—I could sing okay but couldn’t play any instrument—so joining Axxxx wasn’t a very smart choice really. Or was it? There were a few introduction to Axxxx sessions that us freshmen had to go to. During one of these sessions, D showed up and talk. I remember he was wearing a white T-shirt—it was either a band or cartoon shirt—and blue jeans. He talked about some music shit that I didn’t understand and I thought, “Man, this guy knows his shit. And he looks okay too.” From listening to him talk for about five min...

I have (only) been together with my boyfriend for five years. My parents, almost 25. My grandparents, more than 57. Compared to my parents' and my grandparents', the length of my relationship is still VERY short. But in the last five years, I have been bored many times. I have had interests in other men several times, though I did not act on it. I have questioned whether I want to marry him. Doubts, doubts, doubts. Every time I had a doubt, I tried to think clearly and assessed what I actually want in a relationship, and he ticks all the (necessary) boxes. He is my other half, he thinks and sees things I don't. He has been my steadfast companion in the last five years, never once doubting my loving him. And so did I; I have never been insecure (well, probably once and only a little) because I know he loves me so. He is kind, even though he's the most annoying person that I know. He is outspoken, I am very much comfortable introducing him to my friends and family. An...

Earlier this week, two of my closest colleagues who happened to be my ex-housemates got promoted. Previously they were senior analysts, now they are associate managers. I am still an analyst after more than 1.5 years of working in this company. Well, they have been working there for more than three years, almost four years I think? But still. So this is what it feels like when your friends get a promotion. You feel left behind, not good enough, envious, every single negative thing.  Now, do not be bitter. Let's assess why you have these negative feelings. Feeling left behind because they are two of my closest friends in the office and now I feel kind of inferior around them. Well, come on. They are three and four years older than me and they have been working in the office for twice as long as me, so they truly deserve it. Not good enough  because they got promoted and I did not. Again, it is not because I am not good enough, but because they have the opportunity. There...